The darts world is abuzz over Luke Littler, a 16-year-old prodigy on the verge of winning the World Dart Championship. The Englishman burst onto the scene in this tournament, going from relative unknown to the sport’s Bobby Fischer (minus the racism and genius though I’m not sure those two can be true at once).
On Wednesday, he faces veteran Luke Humphries for the title, and I’m sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but what are the chances that Littler is, in fact, 16? Did you see his picture? He’s balding, and has the physique of someone who’s been frequenting pubs for a minimum of two decades.
Also, his name is Luke Littler. That’s some Little John/Robin Hood stuff, and should’ve prompted someone to ask for his birth certificate. I’m about to go tear up Peewee Football because apparently admission is as easy as changing my last name to a synonym of tiny. Sean Smallhands? Sean Weelad? Sir Edward Miniscule?
Darts is not a game you’d think would draw the interest of Gen Z, or people who grew up on Roblox. I know the UK is different, and they obsess over bar games to a dangerous degree, but either Littler is on a never-before-seen heater, or was literally born and raised in a pub. (Again, that’s not out of the realm of possibility for the English; I simply would like verification.)
Have you seen a child throw anything with accuracy before the age of 12? So, what? Littler used training darts until a growth spurt turned him into Phil Taylor? I’m not buying it, nor should you. Or even accept this as a serious accusation.
This is a Danny Almonte situation, and I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. (At least I hope I’m not criticizing a minor. However, I’ve been embarrassingly wrong before, and hopefully none of the potential prize money goes toward a future libel suit.)
Littler’s “mum” even shared a picture of him on Christmas morning as if the blog I work for is as susceptible to being catfished as Manti Te’o. Luke has the LeBron James hairline for Christsake. Following his semifinal win over (I’m sure a despondent) Rob Cross, Littler went full first person.
“I’ve got no words. I can’t even imagine lifting that trophy yet though. I’ve just got to stay focused, relax and be Luke Littler.”
What kind of 16-year-old says that? I’ll tell you what kind. The 30-year-old kind.
Anyway, best of luck, Luke — if that is your real name.
